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Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Hindsight is 18/21

There are folks who would throw the term “soul mate” around like a Frisbee. In saying that, throwing a Frisbee takes more skill and thought than you would imagine, just one of the many reasons I am adverse to recreational activities that require any kind of concentration – isn’t that, by definition, supposed to be your non-thinking down time? Is that not why we have invented wine, cheese and afternoon naps? That’s a whole other tangent. So maybe not a Frisbee, maybe a… it’ll come to me. 

I think if we had to look at the amount of people who believe in soul mates and then within that group, the amount that believe in say… reincarnation, past lives and time travel. We’d really be looking at a very small group of wacko’s. Eek, I may be one of them. 

You see, I KNOW I have not one, but two soul mates, that I have the pleasure of travelling with, from lifetime to lifetime. Sometimes I like to think of all the other lives we might have lived together:

3 travelling gypsies – telling fortunes, dancing and singing to tinker tambourines and wild night bonfires

3 Arabian princesses – all of the camels in all of the world, not enough for any of their hands. 

3 streetwise alley cats – hosting poker tournaments behind trash cans or sharing the last few drops of wine from a discarded bottle outside a Parisian cafĂ©. 

3 seasoned bank robbers – the only ones in all of history, still at large. Last seen leaving the scene of the crime in a vintage car headed for the border of Mexico. 

3 cavewoman – grunting and gauwing over how stupid cavemen are, while braiding each other’s hair, rocking a raspberry smoothie and inventing the wheel. Or fire. Or language.

I have no doubt that these are the kind of adventures we had together. I’m sure Alex and Lee would agree… though we don’t always. Agree, I mean. Isn’t that what soul mates are for? To help you learn the lessons you need to learn in a lifetime. To guide you, challenge you and stand by you when you are facing a storm or a battle or a crusade. Or worse… a bad break up. 

Marilyn, (my mentor, delightful friend and surrogate big sister), once told me that to be a big sister was one of the greatest gifts she’d ever been given. I’d never thought of it that way before, that I was given this unique opportunity to be a “big sister”, the only one in my whole family. It’s not a title that I ever even thought about, mostly because the 2 other stooges and I have always felt like old friends. Old friends that just totally get each other’s sense of humour, style, quirks and irks. 

Now more than ever, I realise what an honour it is, to hold this esteemed position. To be able to give guidance for the road ahead, and empathy for all those damn tyre chewing potholes along the way. Alex (18) and Lee (21) are so capable, fantastic, sparkly and special that I kind of have the easiest job in the world. If I look back at the corner of 18th and Freedom Ave or worse, 21st and Future Rd – the relief that comes with standing in my shoes, right where they are planted now… is overwhelming. Here are some things I wish I’d known back then: 


1.     Bryan Adams, is a big fat liar. You are not 18 til you die… so LOVE the 18 year old that you are right now. You are going to look back at photos in 10 years (ahem) and think – god I’d kill to have that metabolism again and not have to have Botox be a regular talking point. Love the skin you are in, in fact… wake up and just give yourself a little snuggle every day.
2.       You are way too young to know what or who you are, so… don’t get married, don’t freak out if it seems like everyone else has a perfect plan (they don’t) and don’t feel like your feet are covered in cement. You are the most free you will ever be in your whole life.
3.       Let the right people write on the slate of who you are. Ditch the parasites in your life, don’t feel bad if you drift apart from some people and welcome new energy into your kinesphere.  What’s the clichĂ©? A reason, a season or a lifetime? Trust me, you’ll soon realise how true that is.
4.       If you think you know what a hangover is. You are wrong. Someday you’ll have 3 glasses of wine and need to take a concoction of Corenza, carbs, liver supplements, all the waters of Nazareth and sometimes a sick day to recover.
5.       Let your “Give a Fuck” button break, seriously. Get up on that table and dance like its yo’ JOB, wear whatever you want, say whatever you want, piss people off, stand out and just revel in all the bravery you’ve got. You don’t realise it, but that’s what makes you a leader and inside – it’s what everyone wishes they could do.


1.       People will tell you you’re a grown up. Newsflash, you really aren’t. Everyone knows, that only really happens after you’ve had a quarter life crises at 25. You’re good for another 4 years, so that should take some of the ever mounting pressure off of you.
2.       The true definition of a degree: A piece of paper that says you are not a complete dumbass. Don’t get caught up in what you study, chances are you’ll end up doing something completely different one day. You never know how or why what’s happening right now, will feed into your journey. Nothing is ever a waste, nor is anything worth killing yourself over. It’s really simple: do what makes you happy.  There are no rules in life, only chances, intersections and dreams waiting to materialize.
3.       There is no rush to the isle or the maternity ward; we are not living in the 1950’s. Find out who you are as much as you can before you bind yourself to anyone else. Learn to enjoy your own company. Learn to like yourself and all the talents I’m sure you don’t even realise you possess. Really understand the value that you bring into a relationship and into the world, if you don’t believe it – it’s hard for someone else to.
4.      Say Yes – to as much as possible. To travel, to new adventures, to any invitation that requires you to step out of your comfort zone. Just do it. I guarantee you’ll regret what you didn’t do before you had a bond or a stable job or you started taking your taxes seriously.
5.       Prepare yourself for the weird paradigm that will start taking place. Slowly at first. You parents will start becoming your friends, and as you get older, you’ll start realizing just exactly what they went through as young adults. It gives you strange insight and understanding. It’s a bit of a mind fuck, but it’s kind of awesome. 

A boomerang! That’s it. 

I guess if you are going to throw the term “soul mate” out there, it should return with the gusto and trust that it was sent out with. Because a soul mate is a truly unique and special title, given to those who are willing to ebb and flow through every wobbly gooi that you’re capable of giving. 

I may be the Big Sis, but I’m pretty sure I learn something new from my two sidekicks every day. Also I think I may have been the little brat in a few of our lifetimes together, as there are moments when they are clearly just wiser, stronger and more open to life’s beautiful graces than I would know how to be.


  1. Makin me tear up a bit there soulmate;')

  2. What lucky sisters and I already know how lucky I am xx