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Thursday, 25 April 2013

The Lunar Effect

I’ve always said that a girl has the right to a few things: a mild shoe obsession, a good glass of vino at any time of the day, a weekly cry for no reason at all, an unreasonable amount of reassurance over all matters of the heart, a bad hair day or 8, a pair of fat pants and a pass on a crazy moment here and there. Well… this girl has cashed in on a lot of these rights lately, particularly the latter.

On Saturday night, against my better judgement, I decided to celebrate the ol’ 28. Let me tell you of my original birthday “party” plan:
Delicious Man (mine), feeding me chocolate covered strawberries, compliments and sexual favours.
Instead, I succumbed to the social pressures that inevitably surround a birthday:
Copious Amounts of Alcohol
Loud Music
Reckless Behaviour
I guess it’s in my fibre to be both a people pleaser and an impulsive decision maker. Whether the two are well suited, I’m not too sure. Somewhere around 11pm the monumental mistake was made to go to the second location, which in my experience has never led to very good things. As I walked to the bar to order our first round I struck up a conversation with two lovely gents who proceeded to buy me Stroh Rum. Cough. Yes… you read that right. Apparently Stroh Rum is not just for misspent youth’s and fire accelerant, it makes a cameo appearance in the movie This Is About To Turn Into A Disaster as well.
The rest of the evening I only remember in a few frames: I walked to the car, someone gave me a piece of pizza, I came back, downed my wine angrily? And then went home and spent 4 hours crying to said delicious man about what – I don’t know.  I haven’t had an incident like this since Jack’s dreaded 30th two years ago when I was collapsed on the floor in a purple wig next to a candyfloss machine, sobbing. In all fairness, that was much worse but I can’t help wondering where this crazy drunk girl comes from and why she’s so mopey and annoying.
Is alcohol an un-inhibitor? Sure. But it really bothers me that I have a little coo-coo in me and that it hides somewhere behind this poised and fabulous exterior like a sneaky brat waiting to leap out when I’m most vulnerable.
On more than one occasion I’ve been told and led to believe that with every shadow there is light, with every bright sparkle is stifling night and under every beaming ray is a murky darkness. I get that there is a balance to things and that life can’t all be about sunshine and roses, why then is it so hard to accept that we all have a dark side? If the moon was just a bright big ball of light in the sky, we’d never be able to see an eclipse, or the way it creates a sliver that looks like a rouge toe nail clipping on a velvet abyss. We’d never be able to appreciate the mystery of a full moon, just as it hung smugly in the sky last night, chuffed as anything with its chubby cheeks leering down at us.
Now there are some people who believe that the lunar cycle somehow correlates to human behaviour – in a bunch of weird ways. Surgeons used to refuse to operate when there was a full moon because they believed there was a higher risk of death in the patient. Policemen believe that there are higher crime rates when there is a full moon while others believe it causes lunacy, seizures and violence. Not to mention the obvious werewolf factor! Smiling to myself last night as I peered up at the sky, I wondered if this could be the cause of my outbreak and if I could get away with blaming it on the moon instead of the boogie. But then what could I blame my stubbornness on, or my passive aggressive sharp tongue? Or the fact that I allow people to eclipse me when really I should be shooting passed them, light years away.
I guess the idea is that we all have some dark stuff that we keep in a dungeon, locked away and under control. Insecurities scuttle along the floors between cracks in the woodwork, hurts from our past permeate the air like a poison fog, hang ups and bang ups sit in the corner with our daily frustrations playing poker and smoking cigars. And yeah, sometimes they crack the code and pull a swift one, escaping the guard and menacing in our affairs. But maybe, like the moon, we can’t be a beautiful whole without some bits that we aren’t mad about. Maybe those dark creatures are there to give us strength in unconditional ways, to force our jaws open when all we want to do is keep them locked shut, unable to question, challenge or rock the boat. Maybe they are there to whisper in our ears that we still need to be cautious, do things differently and remember that pain has made us who we are today – capable, layered and connected. For all we know they have a one up on us, maybe they know that they are in charge of our vulnerability and that when defences do fail, the right people will be there to come to your rescue with an army of unconditional love.
That may be so… but this week, I’m pleading not guilty by reason of temporary insanity. Stroh rum AND a full moon? Now if that isn’t mitigating circumstances, I don’t know what is.

1 comment:

  1. Well for me , it's definitely that bally moon :)