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Thursday, 4 April 2013

One of the Boys

If you are someone who has a daily 8 o clock and 5 o clock affair with Joburg traffic, then you too will at some point subdue to the airwaves of commercial radio. Somewhere between Corlett and Athol Oaklands I was listening to one of the DJ’s talking about the Cuddle-Sutra. The first thing that came to mind was What a cool phrase, why did I not think of this first? And the next was Hmmm, cuddling – not every guy’s strong point.
There are some fundamental flaws in the cuddle system, unique to each snuggling couple. Her hair in your face, strained neck syndrome, Tyrannosaurus Rex arm (this is when your one arm is curled up with nowhere to go, leaving you looking like a spazzed Tyrannosaurus Rex), limb-o (when your legs are entwined and you have to keep adjusting them to get comfortable) and the controversial neck breath (when you or your partner inevitably has to breathe directly onto the other persons neck, where it ricochets and blows directly back onto your own face, causing you to inhale carbon dioxide).
But admit it or not, we KNOW that you boys secretly love to canoodle and cushy up. Why? Because there are also all those awesome little benefits like an automatic all access pass to boobs and bum, neck and ear kisses, delicious warmness (winter - tis the season for cuddles), accidental spooning naps, smooch-fests and… that word you believe could only come out of Dr Phil’s Family Matters book or something – Intimacy.
Rob Grader has brought out the book “The Cuddle Sutra” and here are some of the gems I found quite interesting.
Melting Butter
 
Forking
 
The Husband
 
Sardines
 
Ticklish Delight
 
 
Interesting fact – you fella’s release a hormone called Prolactin after you orgasm, indicating the start of “recovery time” after sex. This is what makes you feel sleepy which sometimes eliminates your cuddle time, much to your better half’s disappointment. Girls don’t release this hormone, we don’t need recovery time (we are kind of amazing creatures aren’t we?) and we relish that little window of time we get to just hold you and feel the lurve. If you take a few minutes to give your lady the post coital closeness she craves, your brains will collectively release a chemical called Oxytocin making you feel happy and less stressed.
Moral of the story? Try some forking after forking, get your melted butter on and enjoy the ticklish delight of cuddling. You know you wanna!

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