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Tuesday, 18 September 2012

One of The Boys





Take the Wheel
Calm yourselves and don’t get too excited, I’m not talking about torque. Or horse power. Or turbo. Nope... sorry boys, this is a little summin summin for you about DRIVE. And I mean Sex Drive... still a little exciting right? Exactly.
Amongst the strange questions I get from your species, one that often comes up is related to a women’s sex drive and her cycle. Vroom vroom! Here are the facts:
You all know about testosterone right? It’s what makes you want to beat up anyone who looks at us like we’re a ripe juicy peach ready for the plucking. It’s also what makes you want to tear our panties off pretty much 24/7. You’ve got loads of the stuff, we don’t. Which is why, we are peaceful and delicate creatures... most of the time.
In our cycle we have 2 hormones doing a magnificent little womb samba – progesterone and testosterone. Here are some important dates to diarize:
Day 24 – This is slap bang during Aunt Flows visit usually and this is when the levels of testosterone begin to rise IE: our libido tunes, oh hectic... it’s time to get up again. Let’s do it! It will do this up until day 14 of the next cycle (2 weeks  after le period is finito), peaking on day 13... maybe this is a good time to organise that little romantic dinner you’ve been meaning to throw together? Yes?  Girls can I get a woop woop for day 13? WOOP WOOP!
After this, that little biatch progesterone kicks in and preps us for mood swings, mini sobs and irritable boyfriend syndrome. Also... lowered sex drive. 
I’m no expert, but that’s pretty much it. Now I know you want me to carry on saying things like PERIOD, MENSTRUATION and WOMB etc.  But I shan’t, I’m on day 14... so I have better things to do with my time.
Shake That
I think 99% of people have some form of intimacy issue. On a completely separate topic I think 99% of people are generally bored with the norm so... why not take your chikita for a little spin on the dance floor. It’s romantic, you’ll get your endorphins pumping (yes this is a good thing) and she’ll be living out her Antonio Banderas Tango fantasy. Huh? What? Nothing.  Call and figure it out, I can’t do EVERYTHING for you:
Not to be Missed
Sexpo is on this month kids – I can’t think of a better place to break the ice if you are flirting with the idea of a toy or 8. It’s at a new venue this year so I’m not too sure how full its going to get but, crazy or quiet... I think it’s worth a visit. If not only for the famous amateur strip show and to pick up a little nurse outfit of iets for yo woman. Plus there are some really informative sexperts who can help you out with ant technical questions you might have when it comes to the art of love making. Last year I bought 3 DVD’s (Not porn... I have enough of that, informative DVD’s)... There’s literally a waiting list of my friends waiting to borrow them.
Between The Sheets in September
I think I’ve said enough about the horizontal shuffle thus far so I’m going to tell you a few unconventional do’s and don’ts for between the sheets in September.
DO: Set the mood... us woman are sensory creatures.  A candle here n there, a slow jam CD playing, a bottle of champers on ice. I’m in!
DON’T: Neglect kissing... it’s what made us crazy about you. If you’re a bad kisser... get better. Like take notes and shit. After all it really is all about chemistry.

1 comment:

  1. now send this with the other for the boys blogs to FHM ! come on do it, even if you use a pseudonym

    ReplyDelete